wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
