Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
