I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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