Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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