What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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