Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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