so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
