Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
