The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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