I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
