She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
