and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm always down for nudity.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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