Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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