We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
