I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
