Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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