She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
