the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
