Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
