I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you never un-have a 4some
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
