So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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