the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
