The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
