We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
