YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
