Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
