whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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