The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's just like the Real World with babies
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
