my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
