piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
