I am in a vortex of obligation.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize