Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Shame is for Republicans.
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