Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
