you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Found your dick twin last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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