I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
