I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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