I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
