your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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