just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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