He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
