Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
