Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Reggie can tackle my bush.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
