worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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