The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
