Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
