so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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