my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My bed smells like the plague
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
