if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
