i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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