i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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