Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What a dumb baby whore.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
