Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
