I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize