Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Randomize