Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize