I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
