he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
