I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
