i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
