Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
