Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize