so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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