my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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