someone threw a dead crab at me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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