I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
