smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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