Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
