They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
