i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
